Mini Life 3: Life goes on!

Hey! For those who read my other blogs, thanks! For those who have just joined us, I would take a quick look at the other ones cause these kinda all go together. Any ways! ; ) I talked to the King of Hearts yesterday. It went better then I thought, but not as well as I hoped. : ( It turns out that I'm just his friend right now.
!OUCH! That's what I thought at first but like most things that start out bad, it gets better. We start talking like we usually do and he tells me that he knows why I called. I got this big lump in my throat and started coughing!!! *sigh* After my sad coughing episode I asked him what was the reason. He procedes to tell me that I called to talk about the "situation". ( Not as dumb as you thought he was, eh? lol ) I told him he was right. Well apparently in the short 3 days we didn't talk, the situation had disapeared! He talked to the other two girls, we'll call them Ms. QT & Ms. Scarlett. He then told me the entire story. Remember while your reading this next part I'm sitting in my room and my jaw drops like three times lol. Any ways, he tells me that Ms. Scarlett and him had been talking for quite a while and both liked each other a lot. But, she had a boyfriend which made things a little more difficult. They continued to flirt and talk just as much. Well, The King of Hearts starts feeling like a bad guy and thinks to himself well I need to move on. It'll make it easier on both of us. So he goes to work for the first time and there's Ms. QT. Now he is talking to both of them but more so to Ms. QT. Well about two weeks later Ms. Scarlett is single. That's where things get real bad. (Jaw drop 1) He then tells both of them about the other one and how he has been talking and flirting with both of them. (Jaw drop 2) They both tell him what most girls would have told the guy in this situation, well you should choose her. This is where I interupted. I told him that was stupid of them! They should have told you to go off by yourself for a while and to think about it. You should have sat down and thought who will make me happy? Not just today but tomorrow too? Who can I be there for? He sighs and says I wish I would've just talked to you! You would've saved me a lot of stress! That made me feel good, but then he tells me that he chose Ms. Scarlett. : ( I knew he would by the way he talked about her, but by this point I'm fine. . .or so I thought. he then asks me if I like him! ( Jaw drop 3) I didn't lie, I told him yes. The he procedes to ask why, so I told him. He was speechless. I also told him other things too like how I knew that like some girls I didn't need a man. I'm independent and have tons ahead of me. I told him I can't just sit around and wait. I can't wait for anybody. The next thing he told me my jaw dropped so low I thought my chin was gonna smack my desk! He goes I know. You're such an amazing person, I just hope that one day I get the chance to be apart of that future. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Is this guy mental????? If he likes her then why doesn't he go out with her???? I don't know. I guess his heart is some where else right now. *sigh* I guess some things we'll never know. Oh well! I'm just gonna keep movin' forward, and livin' life my way. Readers, can you do somethin' for me? Do somethin' crazy today! Somethin' you can look back on tomorrow or in a few weeks and say that was awesome! Thanks I know I will!

Making Memories,
Loves Widow

Mini Life 2: Thinking to myself : )

Hey! Ready for another mini life story? Well, I tried to call The King of Hearts today, but figured out he had to work. Now I have to wait until tomorrow. *sigh* Isn’t that just life though? Right when you get the courage to do that one thing it slips right through your fingers. Oh believe me it only gets better. One of my dearest friends, we’ll call her Friendly Foe, was talking to him and he told her that the only thing he could give me right now was his friendship! : 0 Ouch I know! By now you’re thinking, wow this girl should just kick this jerk to the curb. I was thinking the same thing. He’s got three girls that adore him right now, and pathetically, I’m one of them. He still wants to talk to me about this “situation” as he calls it. I told you in my last blog that I would wait for him, but I’m not so sure that’. Even though he seems to be the definition of a player he isn’t. You’re thinking is this girl for real? Just keep listening. Are you listening??? He is amazing. I trust him entirely. He takes great care of me, and is always there when I need a shoulder to cry on. I hurt my ankle playin’ softball and he has carried me up three flights of stairs for a whole week so I can get to my English class. Pretty great huh? There’s other things too but I don’t want you guys falln’ in love with him too. *giggle* There’s just that one thing that bugs me, and it’s that I messed up! *grr* I missed my chance and now I gotta wait. That’s where I started thinkn’ today. What the heck am I doin’?!? Why am I worryin’ about a guy that doesn’t want just me? Why am I sittn’ around waitn’? I am an independent woman who doesn’t need that. I can stand tall on my own. There have been so many women before me that knew they didn’t need a man beside them to be successful, so why do I need one? That’s just it. As a person we need companionship. Someone there to love and be loved by. Friends and family are great, but that’s not what I’m talking about. It’s a different kind of love. It’s a feeling that someone needs you. Well, he needed me but now he’s found someone else that can fulfill his need. I missed that chance. But, who is really missin’ out? Me or him? If you really think about it, he is. I could give him all my love. I would treat him right, and give him nothing but honesty. Can he say that about the other two girls? Can they promise to always be true? I don’t think so. I know those girls. History repeats itself and those girls are gonna play with his heart until they find the next best thing. Would I do that? NO!!! Now you’re thinking if this girl knows that she shouldn’t be waitn’ then why is she? Well, here’s your answer. I am waitn’ for no one! I have so many things ahead of me. I don’t have time to wait. If somewhere in the future he decides he wants me again, I might just consider it. (Of course I’ll still have a soft spot for him. Give a girl a break!!!) To all my readers this is what I learned today. You gotta stand on your own. You gotta watch out for number one. If you can’t take care of yourself then you can’t expect to take care of anyone else. I’m goin’ through some tough times so believe me when I say, you’re your own bestfriend but your own worst enemy. Don’t let anyone stand in your way. Be all you can be, and keep your head up. If lifes got ya down that means all you can do is get up and try again. Life is never easy, but you can make it beautiful. Live, Love, and Laugh.

Making Memories,
Loves Widow

Mini Life 1: Mischief Maker & King of Hearts

Hey! No I am no one special, and I haven’t discovered anything someone else already hasn’t. I have discovered things though, even only in my short 15 years that could change someone’s life. I have discovered secrets of the soul so fragile. I know that I have manipulated these secrets, and I have changed lives along with my own. I have also broken hearts, and while breaking these hearts I have broken my own in return. A perfect example was actually very currently. I had a boyfriend of almost a year, and during that time I was very happy. This happiness was only temporary because it was, for me, a part of my past. I loved him very much so but not the same as I had. I had to tell him, and when I did. . .I broke his heart. It’s not as if I didn’t know that it wouldn’t, but I knew that because of the feelings I was having for other people I would have broke his heart even more so later. That was the beginning of my fall. I had met this other fine gentleman only a few weeks earlier, and he had me enchanted. We’ll call him Mischief Maker. If it was love, I do not know. We had talked for hours on end, and I had shared secrets as he. We were very close and I felt so comfortable with him, it was almost too real to be reality. But, there was also another guy I had met around the same time. He was more than real. We’ll call him the King of Hearts. I talked to him as much, and I got to see him every day. I trusted him with all my heart. This made everything so complicated for I had trouble trusting anyone and here I was trusting two people I barely knew. Soon enough I would know which one I should have chose, but actually the whole time I knew who. Any ways, as time went on I got deeper and deeper into this two sided relationship. Again I had this false happiness building, and I was fine with that. To be able to wake up with a smile was something I wasn’t willing to get rid of, but I knew that all of this would eventually fall. The bottom would drop like always, and it did. Not a week later I had to choose. I sat in my room and I cried for hours thinking of what I should do. The honest to God truth was that I was scared. I chose the safe route. This route only got me in trouble. I started lying and sneaking. Things I promised myself I wouldn’t do. I was, and still am, so disgusted with myself I couldn’t eat or sleep. I got very depressed, but put on that stupid smile. I pretended I was okay, but that one guy knew I wasn’t. The guy that I chose turned out to be a jerk, and started wanting my good friends. This stuipid jerk was Mischief Maker. I can’t be mad for that though. People will be people and I can’t control that. The thing that hurt me most was that I did it. It was my fault that I let it happen. I had a choice and I ran away because I was afraid. I was afraid because I had fallen in love so fast with the King of Hearts. He had showed me that I could trust him. I could rely on someone else and they wouldn’t expect something back. He showed me that I could trust without being scared, but never did I let myself believe it. I had been hurt so many times by people who I loved, who I trusted with my whole heart. How could I trust anyone if the people who loved me could hurt me? I didn’t have to be afraid, but now is too late. The Kind of Hearts that I fell in love with, and still am, moved on for what I know. There is one girl who he told he loves her. There is another one who he wants to be involved with. So where does that leave me? Sitting here in the dark wishing I could go back in time. Watching him hold her hand or tell her that he will call her later. That leaves me regretting, waiting, and not too proud to admit it but crying. I’m too proud to admit any of this to him though. I can’t get myself to tell him I’m sorry, tell him that I love him more than words can say, or even tell him that I’ll wait. I know that I don’t need a man. I can stand on my own. I know that I’m where I’m spose to be. I have friends who love me, and a roof over my head. We make our own destiny, our own happiness, and most of all we make our own love. I will wait for him because I don’t want anyone else. If it so happens that someone comes along and shows me more than him then of course I will move on, but until then my heart is his. If only he knew right? Well to all those reading, don’t be afraid. Let the ones you love know you love them. Don’t ever be afraid of anything. Never let someone tell you what to believe or that you’re not good enough. You are who you are because of you. Never let anyone stand in your way. I did and I ended up here writing to you about how I love someone I can’t have. Heroes are remembered, but legends never die. Be a legend and do something great today. I plan on being a legend. There’s always tomorrow, but there’s no better time than today. So, go do something great. I know that I will.

Making Memories,
Loves Widow